When You’re Hurting on Mother’s Day

Mother’s Day is a wonderful opportunity to reflect on the blessing of having or being a mother. It is a time to express and receive gratitude for the sacrificial love that mothers give to their children every day. This can bring much joy, but sometimes Mother’s Day brings out more negative emotions.

Grief: When your own mother is no longer alive, Mother’s Day can be a painful reminder that she is no longer with you, and that you will never have another opportunity to spend that day with her. You will never again be able to hug her or tell her that you love her. You miss her. Who can replace a mother’s love?

Perhaps you’re grieving over infertility, or a child that died too young. One that you miscarried, aborted, or that you gave birth to, but then eventually had to bury.  You grieve over lost experiences; memories that you could have had but didn’t; the future that your child could have had. This type of grief is sometimes more painful than grieving a parent, who lived a full life, and with whom you shared many memories.

Rejection: A strained relationship with one or more of your children can make Mother’s Day an unwanted occasion. It’s tempting to look at other families who “have it all together” and wonder why your relationship with that child is so painful. Perhaps that child that you loved now sees you as the enemy, and harbors bitterness towards you. Rejection is never fun, and on Mother’s Day is particularly hard to deal with.

Resentment: Perhaps your mother hurt you deeply. You resent how she treated you, and cannot seem to bring yourself to forgive her. You keep her at a distance and put walls around yourself, because you don’t want to be hurt again. Or perhaps you resent your child, who has rebelled against you and brought shame to the family, or who shows no appreciation for the sacrifices you’ve made for them.

Regret: Perhaps you’ve made some wrong choices along the way, and now you are living with regret and guilt over them. You’d like to go back in time and redo some things, but that is impossible. You may be living with heartbreaking consequences as a result of your choices. Perhaps you find it very difficult to forgive yourself.

Anxiety:  You see your loved one on a path to self-destruction. This makes you feel anxious. You want to protect them and see them turn from their lifestyle to one of wholeness and healing. Mother’s Day can be an unpleasant reminder that your child is broken. You want them to be whole but they are not. And their brokenness, in turn, breaks your heart and makes you feel anxious.

What words can I write to assuage your feelings? If you are feeling any of these negative emotions, you have the right to feel that way. I’m not going to try to talk you out of them. You have legitimate reasons for feeling that way. I wish I could wave my magic wand and make everything better, but I can’t. What I can do, however, is reassure you that there is comfort for your grief; unconditional love in place of rejection; healing in place of resentment; forgiveness for the things you regret; and peace to replace your anxiety. The Lord Jesus Christ loves you dearly, and knows what you are going through. He has promised never to leave you or forsake you. He can comfort you in a way that even a mother can’t, because he knows what it is to grieve and suffer. He offers you forgiveness for any wrongs that you have committed, and promises rest and peace to those who bring their burdens to him in prayer and trust him in their situation. He will even give you the grace to forgive those who have hurt you, so you can move on in your life and walk in healing and freedom.

Mother’s Day has a way of bringing out both the good and the bad in your relationships. I hope it is a good day for you, but if it isn’t, the Lord is there for you; he understands what you’re going through; and there is always hope in him. Just turn to him and ask for his help, and he will help you. You are his beloved!

Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.” Matthew 11:28

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